{ Song for Today }

Have you ever had it where the song you wake up to on the alarm clock is exactly the song you needed to hear for that day? That’s happened to me a few times lately and this morning it was a song that I actually was desperately searching for the artist and song title after hearing it a few weeks back. (Leeandra don’t laugh!)

My world is closing in
On the inside
But I’m not showing it
When all I am is crying out
I hold it in and fake a smile
Still I’m broken

I can be pretty good about putting on that happy face even when it feels like the world is crashing in on me. Last night I realized that maybe I’m a little too good at it. Sunday morning as I was braiding Celena’s hair she talked about actually wanting to move to Georgia with her mom and after she left the room the reality of possibly never seeing her or her brother again after next week just hit me like a ton of bricks. The tears started and I quickly brushed them away and put on a smile for Celena and to be ready to walk over to my parents for our family Sunday dinner. Why do we do that?! Shouldn’t Celena know that if I couldn’t take her rollerskating again or to the beach this summer or celebrate her birthday with her that those things would make me sad enough to cry? And how much would it have helped to just get a hug and be able to cry on my family’s shoulders about all these unanswered questions?

When no one else knows how I feel
Your love for me is proven real
When no one else cares where I’ve been
You run to me with outstretched hands
And You hold me in your arms
Again

I definitely have times where I feel like noone else cares. I’ve gotten into fights with Scott over noone else caring enough about what’s been going on in these kids lives. I often feel like even their own grandmother has put their alcoholic mom’s well-being before their own on far too many occasions. But at the same time I feel those open arms in the people who’ve been praying for these kids who’ve never even met them. Or in my incredible friend Shari who, in the middle of a chaotic move from one state to another, takes the time to ask "what’s the latest with Wendy?". Or LaurieG sending me a private message through SBB as soon as the site was back up to check in. Or a message on my phone that if I need to talk just call. All throughout the day yesterday I felt it and just didn’t really think of it at the time as being God’s way of letting me know he cares.

I have come to you in search of faith
Cause I can’t see beyond this place
Oh You are God and I am man
So I’ll leave it in Your hands

I think I’m going to print that last verse and post it on my fridge and maybe somehow on my laptop (since we all know I’d see it there often!).

Current update, in case anyone’s been wondering, Wendy came back into town for her DUI hearing yesterday morning and then apparently decided to go with her new husband to see some friends in Lansing where she says their new truck broke down so they’d be staying the night there. She hasn’t seen her kids for 23 days and she decides on the first day back to go see friends an hour and a half away. And since she’s their ‘mom’ the kids actually want to see her desperately so this is just yet another disappointment for them while they wait to find out if they’re moving to Georgia where she’s made it out to be this bed of roses or if they’re staying here with my in-laws where they’ll actually be taken care of. The custody hearing is on Monday at 2:00 and if ya think of it any prayers would be soooo appreciated.

So I missed posting a blessing for yesterday and I’d have to say that it’s friends. Friends that I’ve met through digital scrapbooking, friends who’ve known me since kindergarten and never miss a week of checking in, friends who are there when I least expect it and friends and family who have been praying for these kids just because they know I care so much about them. I’m truly blessed to be surrounded by amazing friends!