I’d been wanting to join in on the Effer Dare thing for quite some time now and last night I finally gave it a shot. The current dare is to use a quote from a movie or book or lyrics from a song and I had many songs come to mind that I wanted to use but on the way home from work this song was playing on my ipod and it just hit me in the way they talked about for this dare, right in the gut. Brought me to tears as I was driving. Can’t say it’s the first time that’s happened. Guess that’s part of the "this way" that I am since Jacob. Don’t really remember being as emotional before he was here.
Another thing that really changed about me since Jacob that I’ve thought about often since is who I choose to surround myself with. I sortof decided who to keep close and who to pull away from based on whether or not in my perception they ‘got it’ in terms of what Jacob meant to me and my family. It was surprising to me at times which people did seem to ‘get it’ and which ones didn’t. One of the biggest examples of someone who I’ve kept close is my best friend Jill. We’d been best friends since kindergarten and then grown apart after highschool but she was my truest friend in every sense of the word through Jacob’s life and before he was born. I would do anything for her and I will never let our friendship grow apart again. And then there’s obviously my immediate family. Thank goodness they all completely ‘got it’. I was in awe at how supportive everyone was. We were always close but I’ve been closer to each one of them since and hope that in that way we’re all changed forever by Jacob’s life.
I guess another obvious example of this new outlook of mine is the fact that I started the whole digital scrapbooking thing soon after Jacob’s death and started posting pages from his album online at 2 peas and then scrapbook-bytes. Somehow through all that I gained a new ‘family’ of people who I’d never met but who totally ‘got it’. I feel closer to many of them than people I’d known my whole life.
On the other side of it there were co-workers that I’d worked with for many years, who I’d thought of as friends, that didn’t even come to the funeral or visitation. I started looking at my job as just that, a job, not a place I enjoyed spending time at at all because in my mind they just didn’t ‘get it’. Even some of my extended family seemed to not quite get it. I love my grandma dearly but I don’t think she really ever ‘got it’ so it doesn’t really bother me as much that I’m not closer to her. I know none of this is probably right and it’s probably stuff I should keep to myself but it’s honestly how I feel and I think that’s what these ‘effer dares’ are supposed to be all about so there it is.
Isn’t it interesting how an event like this can teach us so much about our “friends” – and ourselves for that matter. Love this layout & love you too! :)
Wow. Just when I think I’ve gotten past my jaw-dropping reactions to your layouts, you post this one. The layout and the post just blew me away. Thank you for sharing it so well.
I think I get it. I hope I do.
love, me <><
Oh, Shawn, that LO is, well… brings me to tears too! I think that your feelings make perfect sense. If people don’t get something so massive- all the joy, pain, happiness and sorrow that you and your family went through then how will they get the little things, right?! I think that Jacob is light to so many. I know that his story and the way that you have so lovingly documented it, altered me too without even knowing you or your family. It is the realization that life is so fleeting and that God is in control and that sometimes things hurt beyond imagination but also, those moments of joy make it all worth it. Sorry that I posted such a long comment, but thank you, thank you and your family for sharing Jacob with the world… he is a blessing.
I’m not sure exactly what to say but I want you to know that I am so glad I know you, and I didn’t know Jacob but i feel like through your layouts that I have gotten to know the wonderful boy that is Jacob and he has touched my heart.
I’m in awe! It is such a hard thing to express these types of feelings and you have done it so well with both your layout and your writing about it here!
Your words rang so true to me. I, too, feel like that. I feel different now too. When I read about you choosing to surround yourself with people who “get it” it brought tears to my eyes. That’s exactly what has been going on in my head too. I’m tired of the “takers” in life and it’s sad to say but I’ve sure filled up my life with tons of them. How did that happen? Thank you so much for sharing this. It let me know that others feel like this too. Not so alone. I’m so sorry for the hole this has left in your heart. I’m sorry.
I am so touched by all that you have done, as memories of Jacob need to be remembered and lasting…I remember the night that I found all your layouts about Jacob, by seeing one and then having to go and read them all. I do agree with you on this one, it defines you and who you consider friends! I’m so glad that I have met you!
how blessed are we that we got to know jacob through you and your testimony! and, you have done it in such a loving way, that it will be a lasting gift for everyone, forever. thank you for sharing him with us, i for one, will never forget him.
Shawn, I’ve been thinking all day about your post. My son, Trenton, was in a horrible accident when he was 18 mos old. Basically he had a head injury, quit breathing and by God’s Grace only did he survive. The accident happened at a bbq and most of our friends were present. After the accident we drifted away from many of these couples. I had an ah-ha moment after reading your post. They just didn’t ‘get it’. I’ve said a prayer for you today . . . . :)
Glad that I checked on you today, I am proud of you and how you have handled your life and surrounded yourself with good people. You deserve the best! I’ve been thinking of Jacob and how old he would be and what place he would have in our family if he hadn’t gone to be with Jesus (like what would I be getting him for Christmas from his Grammy) It still hurts but we were so blessed to have him it was like Christmas everyday we had him with us – what a gift! LOVE YA! MOM
Wow – your mom’s post is just squeezing my heart. I have followed your story of Jacob since I started scrapbooking last year & I am awed at how his little baby self has touched so many people. So many of whom you’ve never met. I know that I go for an extra kiss or squeeze with my kiddos after I’ve seen a Jacob layout. Thank you for sharing him with us and sharing how you feel. I know it’s been easier at times for me to share some of my feelings with my “distance” family.
Shawn -
Your layouts and story about Jacob have inspired me from the beginning. Thanks for your willingness to share them with us, it makes us all appreciate life that much more. Merry Christmas to you and your family.
Kim Mauch
I am so touched by this layout and your post. I can’t imagine the pain you have endured with the loss of your son, Jacob. What a treasure and a gift life is, and I think that some people just don’t “get” that. I love your layout and am praying for you.
Hugs,
Kelly Shults