…last night this is what I remember The whole family gathered around Jacob. The most difficult night without question in my entire life. I think the hardest thing was seeing my sister and BIL, Jacob’s parents, having to go through what has to be the hardest thing any parent could possibly imagine. I wish I could forget the sight of him with oxygen tubes and hearing his labored breathing. We stayed through the night that seemed to go on for days. I think it was around 5 am that I went down to Paige’s room and crawled into bed to sleep for awhile with her. At 7:30 I woke up and went back upstairs and was told that our sweet Jacob had passed away just 10 minutes earlier and that Tammy and Brian were spending some time alone in their bedroom. I remember wanting so badly to go in and just hug my sister. I remember the kids waking up and wondering how on earth they could possibly understand this. The funeral arrangements were made that morning and I struggled to write the following e-mail to the hundreds of people around the world who had been praying for Jacob:

Date: 3/31/04

Subject: Precious Jacob

Dearest Friends and Family,

This is Jacob’s Aunt Shawny writing to update you on our precious Jacob.  This morning at 7:20 am Jacob was received into the loving arms of Jesus from the arms of his loving earthly parents. 

I wanted to ask for your continued prayers for Brian & Tammy and little Paige & Corbin.  The incredible number of people who have been praying for our family over the past few months have meant so much to all of us.  God has certainly answered our prayers in ways many of us barely dared to hope for.  I can’t even put into words how incredibly blessed we have been to know baby Jacob for this short time that he had here on earth.  As an extended family we’ve been so proud to be “Jacob’s Aunt (Grampy, Oma…)” that most of us carry a portfolio of pictures around everywhere we go just hoping to see someone who wants to see our precious little baby Jacob.  For those of you who have only known Brian & Tammy through their e-mail updates I want you to know first of all that baby Jacob could not have been born into a more loving and faithful family.  If you feel as though you want to give Brian & Tammy a hug, know that your prayers, communications and love has accomplished that throughout this entire journey.  Thank you for your obedience to God in “loving your neighbor as yourself” and know that those of us who are able are giving hugs in abundance.

Tammy has allowed me to attach for you her journal entry from yesterday. Please continue to pray for this dear family as they face the difficult days ahead.

From a Mother’s Heart

Never before have I been surrounded by and uplifted by so many people, yet I don’t think I have ever felt so alone at the same time.  So many people who love, pray for and help care for baby Jacob…but only I am his mom.  At the end of the day when the helpers leave, he is in my arms…my responsibility.  People can catch a glimpse into my reality and then they can go about their own routines and carry on with life.  I know those of you who have gone through life’s trials can relate to that feeling.  The world goes on around you but you feel frozen in time.

Hour after hour, day after day and now week after week I sit and rock and gaze at Jacob.  At times I feel so privileged to be chosen by God to be his mom!  In other moments I can feel burdened and helpless.  As I know many of you can imagine, we go through a roller coaster of emotions in our home.  Even today, as I watched Jacob struggle to breathe freely, my first instinct as a mom was to call the doctor or rush him to the hospital.  But for baby Jacob, we called Hospice.

For the first time today, we discussed and ordered oxygen and morphine for Jacob.  He is still quite peaceful and breathes normally at times, but he has also had many instances of labored breathing today.  The word morphine and a 19 day old infant don’t fit together in anyone’s mind.  Just the word brought tears to our eyes today.  Although we anticipated this path as best we could when we left the hospital, the reality now is of course overwhelming.

Even through all of this, my testimony remains the same…My only comfort in life and in death is that I am not my own but belong body and soul to my faithful Savior Jesus Christ (all those catechism classes did come in handy mom and dad!).  Without that assurance, we could not go through this experience with the peace that we do have.

On the way home last night I heard the song ‘Sweet By and By’ (at least I think that’s the name). It’s what I want to remember as I think about Jacob today.

I NEVER turn a corner in my car without using my blinker. Might seem not so unusual at first but if you ask my family they’ll tell you I use the blinker at a level that exceeds normal blinker usage. Not sure why. It’s probably just habit and personally I think it’s one of my better habits. Among the rather unusual situations that I use my blinker would be pulling into my driveway. That again, may not seem odd but our house sits perpendicular to the main road so my driveway is somewhat of an L-shape and I use the blinker once to turn off the road and then again to turn off the main drive towards the garage. This morning I hit a new level of blinker craziness and I actually used the blinker as I was backing out down my driveway. Again, not onto the road, just from one stretch of the drive to the other. I can’t explain it. Just a quirky little habit of mine.

I thought it would be fun someday to do a ‘betcha didn’t know’ type page for my AAM album so I figured if I just started a ‘betcha didn’t know’ series of blog posts I’d have a perfect place to start for the journaling/list. :)

Are you all gonna rush over and buy the latest Digital Memories Magazine as soon as it’s available? Should be any day now and I can’t wait to see how it turned out. I’ll be able to post a little tid-bit view of the LOs I have published in there once it’s released. It’s been tough to keep them in hiding.

I’ve lost my creativity again. Hoping to find it by tonight because I have a whole night free to scrap. I had a little time last night and after staring at tons of photos trying to find just the right one to scrap with Gina and Heather’s latest kit I finally decided to update our family blog banner instead. In the process I think I DID find a perfect photo to scrap with the kit tonight though so we’ll see how it goes. Something about the kit seems very ‘Kylie’ to me so I think that’s the direction I’m going. :) For now, here’s the blog banner I did last night. It’s getting increasingly difficult to fit ALL of the nieces and nephews in there. Not that I’m complaining but wow! You should see the beautiful chaos that is a Sunday dinner at mom’s. LOL I just can’t get over how adorable they all are. Ya’ll know you can click on the images to see them closer up, right? :)

Oh, and on the music front, I wanted to comment on a few of today’s selection. First of all, Kenny Rogers has a new CD that came out last Tuesday. He still sounds exactly the same. I know my brother Dino must at least appreciate my first video today. Normally he’s not a fan. Somethin’ about checking my blog at work and having to turn down his speakers. Sorry Dino, I love it too much to give it up. Maybe if you help me figure out how to play an mp3 list I’d indulge you with a button that you’d have to push to get it to start. ;) And Los Lonely Boys – where’ve they been?! Definitely due for a new release. Used to listen to the first album over and over – loved it! But I’m ready for some fresh stuff. Couple old stand-by’s in the list and then I ran across this video by Holly Brook. Never heard of her before but I’m lovin’ her voice. Might have to check her out at itunes. It’s new music Tuesday so I’m sure I’ll be there today anyway. :)

Decided to try the signature thing here since I have these great handwritten fonts and can’t get enough of ‘em. I’ve seen it done over on Lauren’s blog and a few others and I love the more personal look it gives. :)

Kay, gotta get ready for work. Been enjoying my more relaxed morning today but I’m hoping to take off a little early and get a jump start on that scrappin’ tonight so I better get my butt in there. :)  

…Includes 1 male roommate who believes in the housework fairy.

Seriously…what is it with men?! I’m so ready to just sell this house (that I really do love so much) for a 2 room studio apartment. Something fun and urban cool. Maybe one of those condos downtown above a quaint little downtown store. Wouldn’t that be fun? All I need is a cozy bedroom, a bathroom with character (doens’t even have to be big) and a common area with minimal kitchen area (cuz I never cook) and a comfy living area with room for a desk to scrap at. Who needs a dining room anyway?! I’m pretty sure all of the furniture that I actually love would fit in a studio apartment and it would be sooo much easier to keep clean.

I used to do alot of the housework stuff in the morning before heading to work but that was when I could roll into work around 10 or 11. Well, that’s not happenin’ lately with the extra hours I’ve taken on helping at my sister’s office while she’s on maternity leave. I love the extra money and it’s nice to work pretty much full time yet still have a lot of variety but I NEED more help around the house and getting that help from DH seems to be next to impossible. In his defense, he folds laundry (when it’s blocking the television).  He thinks he folds ALL the laundry but ask him the last time he folded a pair of jeans or bath towels. He’ll take out the garbage (when asked). Apparently he doesn’t notice when he’s putting garbage in the empty cereal box NEXT to the garbage can. *sigh*

As for the housework fairy, yeah, she exists BUT I’ve heard rumors that she’s considering retirement. Think anyone would notice?

On a lighter note, I HAVE done some scrapping. I haven’t had a chance to post yet, in fact I think I’m a couple behind and more than that on my 2 peas posting. Anyone figure out how to add those 3 extra hours to each day?! I knew I was behind on my blog posting but I just realized this morning HOW far behind I was. You know it’s bad when my own mom is worried and she’s actually SEEN me probably 3 times since the last post. :) Still kickin’ mom. Maybe I’ll post 2 times tonight to make up for the lack of posts last week.

And, since I hate posting here without SOME sort of picture or LO, this is the LO I finished last night. Total scraplift of one of my favorite scrappers, Jennifer Johner. Recreating the fancy framework around the photo was MUCH tougher than I thought it would be but I like how it turned out. Used papers and inked edge from various kits at DDE, scrolly brushwork from various kits by Rhonna Farrer, stitching by Lisa Carter & Katie Pertiet, ric rac by Mo Jackson, ribbon by Lisa Cohen, glitter flower by Jen Wilson (LOVE these!) and silk flowers by Holly McCaig. Sure seems simpler than all that doesn’t it?!

It’s my early morning today so I have to keep this brief and get to work but I wanted to post a thank you to those of you who commented yesterday on the LO and the alpha. You’ve lifted my spirits more than you know and every time I got a new type pad email I smiled so thank you! I would love to hear if you post something with the alpha. Please post a link here so I can check it out. :)

I also wanted to post a LO with these gorgeous sparkles that Jen Wilson has created but I haven’t had time to scrap but awhile back I had posted a wish list of things I’d love to be able to duplicate from paper scrapping but digitally. Well our beloved Jen was already ahead of me and had been working on the most fabulous glittery things I could’ve ever wished for. I can’t wait to use them and imagine they’ll be showing up on just about every page. Go check them out here. :)

I actually finished the LO I was working on Sunday night. I was ALMOST done and closed the LO window instead of an element window on accident without saving it. I had to go back to the version I posted yesterday and start completely over. Luckily I had sent Lauren a screenshot of it just before deleting so I was able to redo it just the way it was. Hate when that happens though. You’d think I’d learn. I’m pretty excited about how the stripes worked with her little outfit though. And thanks to Lauren for the paint swash idea because I didn’t wanna cover up much of those gorgeous stripes but it really did need a little something to seem finished. So here’s the final version: The papers were freebies from the Scrap Artist by Angie Briggs. Scalloped edge and staples were also from Scrap Artist by Michelle Coleman. Oh, and the paint brush too from Nancie’s Digital Distressing kit. Stitches, ribbon, denim and string are all by Ronna Penner at Scrapbook Elements and the jewelry tag is Gina’s from Digital Design Essentials. And I think it’s actually the first time I’ve used my own alpha on one of my pages. It just seemed to fit perfectly for this one finally. I used to sell this and a few others at SBB but just didn’t have time to keep up the creating so I gave up my spot. Since at the moment I’m not selling them anywhere I thought why not give some away here for now. I may decide down the road to sell them again so please don’t redistribute but feel free to download and use them yourselves. :) I haven’t shared anything this way before so hopefully the link works.

Download Pewter Petals Alpha

Last night was a good night. I got to chat for at least half an hour with my friend Jill. We normally get together every week and with birthdays and babysitting this week we’re postponing to early next week for now so it was great to at least chat for awhile. I couldn’t ask for a better best friend in this world.

Also got to chat online with some of my favoritest (yes that’s a word) people. I got a sneak peak and something Jen Wilson is working on and let me just say I am soooo excited about it. I’m dying to share but I’m sworn to secrecy. I may have already said too much. :) She’s amazing though and the craziest thing is she seems to have NO idea just how GREAT she is at what she does.

And I hope they don’t mind me mentioning it here. I think it’s okay. Leeandra and Lauren have agreed to join me in the Eclectic Whimsy Designs website project. Yes, I’m still working on that. LOL It occured to me that with the inevitable popularity of websites/artists offering digi-scrapping for hire that it just makes sense to make Eclectic Whimsy a spot where a customer could choose from the portfolios of a few designers and hire whichever of us most fits their taste. Lauren and Leeandra are girls I feel completely comfortable working with and I think our styles are similar enough yet each unique that it seemed like a perfect fit. I’m so excited to get this thing off the ground. :)

AND! Teddy Geiger’s album is finally released today. Downloading it as I type. :) Also found another artist that sounded great in the new releases – Matt White. So far lovin’ his sound but there were only 4 songs on the album. And stumbled across a comedy cd of Kathleen Maddigan. Listened to her bit on Oprah and I was JUST commenting to Jill the other night about how she’s ALWAYS on the cover of her own magazine. I think I’m gonna like this Kathleen chick. I figured it was worth $9.90 for a few extra laughs now and then. :)

Kay, gotta finish getting ready for work. More relaxed day today just working at the leasing office. Working on fun stuff there at the moment so it should be a good day. Busy but not too busy which makes the day fly by. Gotta love that. And tonight I get to babysit Paige, Corbin and Ainsley. I think it’s been over a week since I’ve seen Paige and Corbin and I miss them sooo much. I just might hug ‘em the entire time. (Well, between pictures anyway.) *wink*

Someone holler if the download link isn’t working. Really hope I did that right. :)