I did it. I finished a page. :) I think I’m finally starting to feel like a digi-scrapper again. Pretty exciting stuff. The page isn’t anything fantastic and quite honestly it’d be totally lame if I didn’t have Nancy’s fun frame templates to start with. She has completely transformed my scrapping style and pulled me out of my 1 photo per page rut. They worked so perfectly for these photos of me and pixel on our first LONG weekend hanging out. And I’ve already got two more LOs in the works using more of her frames. So great to be scrapping again. I can’t believe how much I missed it. So here’s the first of hopefully a FEW finished LOs for this week. :)

Credits here

Gotta finish getting ready and head into work and maybe pick up a planter that my mom so sweetly painted for me so maybe this weekend I can add some flowers to my sunny deck. Now if only the weather would be more like may/june instead of july/august so I could enjoy sitting out there more often. Have I mentioned how much I hate 86 and humid? Ugh!

Oh and tonight my best friend Jill is coming over. Have I talked about the shirt I made myself this weekend?! I don’t think I have. Well, I made a top that should’ve been SO cute. Perfect Amy Butler fabric, shirring, just too cute. Well it’s way too small. I’d never shirred before and clearly I should’ve practiced on crummy fabric instead of my favorite stuff but Kim gave me some pointers and I’m excited to give it a shot again. I’m sewing my own clothes, how geeky is that. LOL OR we could pretend I’m a fashion designer. I think we’ll look at it that way. :) Anyway, if I get it finished maybe I can have Jill take some pics.

On my to-do list between work and hanging out with Jill and sewing is also finally finishing up responses to e-mails and comments. I really am terrible about that so if you’re still waiting please don’t take it personally. Also need to update the boutique with some new bags and take down a few that have sold. Watch for that maybe tomorrow morning.

Hope everyone has a great Thursday!

 

edited to add: thanks for all the sweet comments about my toes. LOL Haven’t gotten a pedicure in I don’t even know how long but summer or winter they’re ALWAYS painted. I was actually kinda bummed that I hadn’t done a fancy french pedicure on myself before taking photos of my feet. In case anyone’s interested (cuz it’s so hard to find the perfect color) it’s ‘all the berry best’ by OPI which reminds me I should probably pick up another bottle for summer. :)

Kay, first off Leeandra I know you’re here looking for an anniversary post. I lost almost the entire post Monday night and have since been trying to decide whether it’s something I really want to post here with a handful of people looking to find fault in anything I might say in regards to my failed marriage. Have I mentioned here specifically that I have a failed marriage? Yup I do. Oddly though I probably never mentioned that I had a marriage at all so maybe that gives insight into how long it’s been a failing marriage. Anyway, I may change my mind later but for now it’s just not something I want to discuss here. That being said, I do want to mention that I have nothing bad to say about my ex. I think one of the most important things about the post I had originally written was that I am extremely grateful for the way he has handled the separation. Quite frankly I’m not sure I could’ve emotionally dealt with it had he handled the past few months the way anyone else would’ve expected him to. I think it’s a true example of God not allowing you to go through any more than you can handle. We make far better friends than we ever did husband and wife. Anyway, somehow that condenses about 6 paragraphs of rambling into 1 but for now that’s all I have to say here about the 14th anniversary of the day I said ‘I do’. 

So, moving onward because that pending post and a LO I had been working on has prevented me from posting about pretty much anything else. Probably 6 months to a year ago, amidst the chaos of life, I mentioned posting a list of my tags that I use in ACDSee. Have you bought this program yet? I haven’t talked about it in awhile but I still love it so much. So the following is the list of categories I use for tagging my scrapping supplies. This is the list that works for me. It depends alot on how you scrap and what types of elements you use most so you may want to use this as a starting point and add or remove categories from there. I sort my kits as I download them into folders by designer/store so I don’t use the tagging system to attach designer names. I know some people do that as well but for me it just hasn’t seemed necessary. Tagging all of my supplies really didn’t take nearly as long as I thought and I’ve done a pretty good job keeping it up. I can’t even imagine scrapping again without this program. If you have any questions about any of the categories as far as what types of things I put in it, etc just hollar. Any other questions about how I use the program I’ll try and answer here too. :)

 

Other than that I had a long memorial day weekend. Usually they go by too fast but for me this one seemed like it went on too long. Got a lot of fun pics of pixel and our activities and have a scrap page almost finished with those so I’m sure I’ll be posting that soon. The highlight of our weekend was going to the Memorial Day parade and having brunch with my best friend Jill’s family. Other than that my car didn’t leave the garage from Friday night thru Monday morning. Pixel and I really need to get a life. We spent much of the weekend doing this…

Kay, got a couple ladies coming over to the apartment tonight to pick up some boutique stuff and do a little digi-scrapping related fun stuff. Hopefully I can finish up that ‘weekend in the life of Pixel’ LO and get that posted later and start one of a few others I’ve got floating around in my head.

It is still May isn’t it? It should be 75 and sunny with a nice breeze. Not 86 and hazy and humid. I should be able to open the door to the deck and let the fresh breeze cool my apartment. I should be driving down the road with my windows down and the sunroof open and the wind messing my hair. It’s May. I’m not ready for 86 degrees. Plus my air conditioning doesn’t work in my car. Actually, the air conditioning works just fine, it’s just that when I turn it on within a few minutes the car stops running. Sortof an issue. But it shouldn’t BE an issue because it’s May and I should be able to enjoy that I have an operating window in my car for at least a couple more weeks.

Also, I am way beyond needing a haircut and fresh color. Especially when it’s 86 and humid. There’s really no point styling it in the morning. By the time I got to work today it’s completely flat and lifeless. Bad hair days suck!

I hate the smell of my new deodorant. It came with some free shampoo/conditioner samples that seemed handy if I take a trip any time soon. So not worth the flowery smell that follows me everywhere I go today. On the bright side, it is better than the alternative ‘cuz did I mention it’s 86?! Ugh!!

Pixel’s first vet appointment went well yesterday but they gave me some medicine to give her once a day for the next week. It comes in these little vials that I’m supposed to squirt in her mouth. Well, the first one ended up all over my kitchen. Sticky sticky nasty stuff and now I’m a day short for her treatment. This after she decided to be wide awake and ready to start the day at 4:30 this morning when I didn’t get to sleep till well past 1.

Can you tell I’m in a foul mood?! I was starting to feel better after reading all of the encouraging comments left here or e-mailed to me. I got to hang out with my best friend Jill last night and we made a trip to the fabric store for the first time in a LONG time together. Had a great time. Brainstormed new designs. Found the perfect fabric to finish off a purse order that I’ve been struggling with. All was seemingly good. Did a little sewing, decided to finish up what I was working on in the morning and start American Idol on tivo. I think that’s when my foul mood started. I’m not saying it’s American Idol’s fault but I’m not sure it’s a complete coincidence that this angry mood swing started while watching the show.

So lets talk American Idol shall we? I wondered as I started it what they are going to do with TWO whole hours when the performances were last night, the votes are all counted. Seriously 2 hours? Well, lets start by confronting the fact that it must’ve actually gone quite a bit past the 2 hour mark. I know this because after watching what was mostly 2 hours of nonsense I realized about an hour and 55 minutes into the show that I wasn’t even going to get to see the ONE thing I was actually watching the show to see. No, I had to catch it on the news later because tivo assumed when they say 2 hours that it would BE 2 hours. Basically though I was annoyed throughout the 2 hour show. Highlights for me I guess would be Kelly Clarkson’s performance, Gwen Steffani and Chris Daughtry. Carrie Underwood is great but her song choice was horrible. Same was true for most of the performers. The group performances were completely cheesy as always. Love Bette Midler but her song choice was frustrating to me. She’s got so many other great songs that she could’ve chosen from. And they were rude once again to the poor kid who looks like a bushbaby. But the performance that made the least sense of all to me was Green Day. They had to have just flushed their career down the toilet. They lost all credibility with their core fans by performing on a show like American Idol and I can’t imagine they picked up any new fans with the depressing song they sang. It literally made me angry listening to their performance. And Taylor Hicks 2 solos?? Come on.

Between that and trying to figure out how to get rid of the stupid black lines around my side bar items I was getting increasingly angry and frustrated as the night went on. I went to bed angry and frustrated. I woke up at 4:30 am to Pixel whining to go out. I wanted to use that extra early morning time to respond to some comments and emails but my internet kept going up and down (mostly down). Pixel shredded the envelope for one of my blockbuster rentals while I was in the shower and then the episode with the medicine splattered all over the kitchen.

Looking forward to So You Think You Can Dance tonight although I’m already quite sure that the obnoxious laugh of that judge Mary is gonna make me wanna reach through that screen and choke her. These anger issues aren’t really workin’ for me. Hopefully it’s a phase on the way to being happier but hating everything about life is not a place I wanna spend too much time.

Here’s to cooler weather starting tomorrow and hopes that the long weekend ahead won’t feel too long. I think maybe it’s time for a gratitude list.

Ya’ll are the sweetest. Amazingly kind and sweet. I know what it’s like to be a lurker so those of you who de-lurked to comment on my last post thank you. I can’t even keep up with responding to the uplifting sweet things you’ve all said. I called Jill right away to tell her she made me cry. I’m so lucky to have her in my life. The rest of you I wish I could just move you all closer so we could have a big ‘ol girls night out every once in awhile.

I wanted to follow up to say that I totally agree with those of you who mentioned how helpful medication could be. I’ve known quite a few people who have taken or take anti-depressants and I believe 100% that they work and that they are often needed. I guess for me right now I question whether this funk that I’ve been in is more circumstantial so I hesitate to become dependant on chemicals to help and then not know when or how to stop taking them. I do think the chemical thing must have at least something to do with it. In fact I thought it was just a hormonal thing for the first week but going on week 2 of ultra-sensitive, cry-at-the-drop-of-a-hat emotions is getting a little tiring.

I do think the fact that I actually do the crying thing is good though. I guess it’s one of the advantages to living alone. Friday night I had my niece overnight and had to resort to crying in the shower just so she wouldn’t wonder what’s wrong with Auntie Shawny. I mean who can be sad with a brand new puppy?! Talk about feeling like you’re losing your grip on things. I also have shoulders to cry on. More than I realized apparently. Like Kimmy said I really am truly blessed.

I’m not giving up. The loss of hope is a scary thing for me but I still try and believe that life will be so much different 6 months or a year from now. I do hope that I can look back on these feelings and say it was all worth it to be filled with the happiness that I know is out there for me. I’m just not a patient person so having certain aspects of life in a holding pattern is a struggle.

I do want to make it clear that I’m not blaming anyone else for my sadness lately. I do think alot of it is circumstantial and I’m responsible for my own circumstances.

Anyway, enough sadness. It definitely helps to feel like other people struggle with the same feelings so if you can relate please keep the comments comin’. They make me feel a little less crazy, a little less pitiful, especially coming from people who I admire so much. 

So how ’bout some random totally not depressing stuff? Warning, completely random rambling ahead. Ya’ll will think I’ve got more issues than just being down the way this crazy mind of mine bounces around sometimes.

First some consumer reviews that I’ve been meaning to blog about:

Dove Energy Glow. Lovin’ this stuff. It’s a lotion that gradually gives you some color like you’ve been in the sun. I don’t love it QUITE as much as the pricier Lancome stuff that I used to use. If you’ve got the extra money and wanna splurge go for the Lancome Flash Bronzer (especially love the shimmery version). If you want the drug store price definitely try this Dove stuff. :)

And these new Venus Breeze shavers – not so much. I caved to the fact that the purple would look good with the other items in my shower. (See previous wierdness post here.) Waste of money. The silly wing things seem like they don’t even let the razor make full contact with your skin. I think I’ll get a refill of razors for my trusty vibrating men’s shaver. Highly recommend that one. Not as comfortable to hold for some reason but it actually works longer than 2 weeks. The women’s version doesn’t seem to be sealed as well so the batteries have issues before you even go through one refill of razors.

On Digiscrapping:

A couple of items I’ve picked up that I’m particularly excited about…

  Both by Rhonna Farrer at 2 Peas

By Jessica Bolton from Scrapbook Graphics

And you can probably tell from my blog that I’m a huge fan of Nancy Comelab’s frames since I can barely post without using them. Well have you heard the news?

She’s having an amazing sale that ends Friday so hop over and check it out if you haven’t already. :)

Eclectic Whimsy Boutique:

I’ve been working on some fun new hair accessories to add to the store. Hopefully I’ll have some photos to post by the weekend. And I’m dying to switch my own purse over to one of the new designs from the recent home boutique show but I was hoping ya’ll would snatch them up a little quicker so that I didn’t have so many to choose from. I totally can’t decide which one to carry next. The designs in this batch are my favorites so far. So, to sweeten the deal and help narrow down my options I’m gonna include a free hair accessory of your choice (adult and little kiddo options available) with any purse order between now and Saturday (5-26).

Pixel update:

Cute as ever. Still a tiny little thing. We go to the vet in the morning so hopefully she’s a healthy puppy. She certainly seems to be. She’s starting to listen alot better and is learning to chew on her toys (not my fingers or pig tails). And she likes her crate already. She even hangs out in it on her own when I’m home. I love her to pieces. :)

Entertainment Musings:

How have I not blogged about television lately? Tonight I’m watching American Idol and then the 2nd half of Dancing with the Stars. My AI pick would be Blake but Jordin is amazing too. Blake has been my favorite since the beginning though so it’d be fun to see him win. Although Jordin just sang and got choked up and sure enough, here come the waterworks again. I’m such an emotional basketcase. LOL

Anyway, in DWtS’s I like all 3 that are left but I think Anton is my favorite, then probably Layla and Joey last but they’re all amazing dancers in very different ways. Still amazed at the popularity of this show. I seriously thought I’d be the only viewer when it was in it’s first season. Already looking forward to hearing who the stars will be for next season. :)

And I mentioned it briefly in the last post but I LOVE Brothers and Sisters. I think I’m going to start watching it again from the beginning on my laptop in bed each night. Did you know you can do this? And it’s FREE. Love that! May have to watch What About Brian too. Did I hear somewhere that it didn’t get renewed?

Oh, and I saw a great movie with my boss a couple of weeks ago. Fracture with Anthony Hopkins and Ryan Gosling (from the Notebook). Excellent movie. In fact I’d love to see it again in the theatre before it’s gone. It was that good.

Wow, how’s that for random?! I’m starting to question what the real block is in my scrapbook journaling since I clearly have the gift of gab when it comes to this blog. If anyone’s made it this far you deserve a cupcake. :)

You have all lifted my spirits and tonight I am feeling more optimistic. Thank you so much for that. When I was at my peak of creating digital scrapbook pages or including adorable photos of nieces and nephews in every post I could make a little sense of people following my blog but it’s a great feeling to know that so many of you stick around even when the creative stuff is lacking and the posts are a bit more gritty. I really am truly blessed in the friends department. You guys are the best!

Gotta run to the grocery store (out of Instant Breakfast) and then drop off some overdue rented movies. Then a bit more sewing and hopefully a little scrapping. Then Brothers & Sisters and some sleep. Great suggestion. :) I seem to be on the every other night plan as far as sleep goes. Last night: not so good, which means tonight should be better. Hopefully.

Thanks again all of you.

 

sensitive
…lately

near tears
…constantly

sad
…alot

even with an adorable new puppy. :(

And I don’t know if it’s just that the stuff of life…the sad stuff, the stressful stuff, the frustrating stuff…is all just getting to me? Maybe the living alone thing is just starting to feel lonelier. Although the new puppy should help with that shouldn’t it? Still I wake up sad every day. The thing is, for the most part nothing has changed the last couple of weeks that I SHOULD feel so sad. I mean there’s plenty to be sad about but none of it is really new. And still in comparison it’s so minor compared to what others go through in life. When I’m down though it doesn’t SEEM minor. It feels hopeless. Hopelessness is a really tough thing. You can go through a lot of rough stuff but if you have even just a glimmer of hope that things will be okay in the end it can make all the difference in the world.

Like I said, it’s not that anything bad has happened to cause the sadness. In some ways I should probably feel more optimistic about the future. It’s just the getting from here to there is hard. So hard. And time, long lengths of time, is what adds to the feelings of hopelessness.

It’s not that there aren’t happy moments. I love having Pixel here to hang out with me and make me laugh and cuddle with me. Going out for ice cream or a night hanging out in my favorite area of Grand Rapids eating at our favorite hang out, those things lift me up. The sweet comments that people leave on my blog lift me up (even if they’re just gushing about Pixel). :) I still put on that happy face though. It’s still a masquerade. My posts here are still mostly fluff. They’re real but they’re not the whole picture.

Because lately I cry. Alot. And you wouldn’t know it from reading my blog. Or even from seeing me in person or spending time with me. In those situations I smile. And usually because at that moment I actually am happy. It’s when I go to bed each night that I’m sad. And waking up each morning I’m sad. I tear up over just about anything. Like reading this post on a blog I recently discovered. I think I cried straight through Brothers & Sisters Sunday night. A song on the radio. The Bachelor finale – yup, cried then too.

Ya know how sometimes you just don’t wanna hear someone else’s story of how they have the same problem/issue? Like you just want people to let you have your moment of self-pity? Well, totally not the case here. I just wanna feel like I’m not some crazy sad person. Like there are lots of people who get these feelings, explainable or unexplainable. Please tell me you’ve felt like this. Tell me your story. Tell me what you do to pick yourself back up. Make me feel like this is normal and it’ll pass. I just want to be happy. The kind of happiness that lasts. The kind that gives hope.

Another post with no photos. I have been keeping up the photo-a-day thing better though and I started one of pixel, at least while she’s a growing puppy to remember just how tiny she was when I got her. I’ll include a few songs again instead. The first two make me tear up lately (surprise surprise) and the third is just one of my favorites at the moment.

Finally got in some fabric I’d been waiting for last night so I’ll be sewing a bit today to finish up some orders and going into the office this afternoon. I can take Pixel with me to this office so I’m sure she’ll enjoy that. It’s a gorgeous sunny day. The lawn’s freshly cut at the apartments. I get to spend part of my day being creative. Should be a happy day right? 

…in love with Pixel. I think it took about 30 seconds. She’s sweet, she’s adorable, she’s funny and smart. We picked her up Friday afternoon…

Isn’t she the cutest thing you’ve ever seen? She’s so tiny. I didn’t realize just how tiny she’d be at just 8 weeks old. She has only 2 speeds. Out cold or a hundred miles an hour in every direction. And going from one to the other can be the funniest thing. When you see her start stretching and do that big yawn the fun is about to begin. She prances around almost hopping like a bunny. She can’t even sit at her food dish to eat. She takes a bite and then hippity hops around to a different spot to eat it. Then back to the bowl to start over. Totally inefficient but adorable. She loves her chew toys (almost as much as my hair – workin’ on that).

She a complete bundle of energy and then suddenly she’s laying there sound asleep. And it’s not a smooth transition. Usually she literally falls over and she’s out. She was jumpin’ around and wrestling with her toys just 30 seconds before I took this picture of her. It’s crazy. LOL

She sleeps alot actually. She’s even slept through the night both nights. Gotta love that.

Right now I’m blogging and she’s snuggled up sound asleep on my lap. My favorite movie Serendipity is on the tv. New favorite line from the movie – "If you want to improve be content to be thought foolish and stupid." Have I mentioned before how great the soundtrack is in this movie? I’m sure I have. :)

So yup, I’m head over heels. I love her to pieces. How could you not love that smooshy little wrinkly face? She’s just perfect and she’s my little buddy and this weekend I am very thankful to have her. VERY thankful.