Will a give-away make up for the fact that I haven’t posted here in almost 3 months???
I was hoping to post about this exciting news much earlier but my laptop crashed and I just finally got it back this weekend. If you know me at all, you know that losing my laptop for over a week is about the worst kind of torture one could put me through. Excruciating. Not to mention I had just days before that decided that cable tv was a luxury and that I didn’t really ‘need’ to watch Fox News 24 hours a day. I watch my favorite tv shows from 1 am to 2 when I change from work mode to wind-down mode in bed. So yes, my laptop even sleeps with me. It was a lonely lonely week. :( On top of all that our area lost power last Sunday for about 6 hours so while everyone else was watching the super bowl I was about 3 hours into a power outage and starting to get cold and lose the only available sunlight to crochet by. I spent the next 2 hours reading a book by candle light.
Anyway, back to the give-away so that those of you sent here by the fabulous Shabby Miss Jenn can move on to more interesting blogs in your list (you know, the ones who post more often than quarterly). :) Shabby Miss Jenn has created some shabby blog kits that include everything you need to make your blog look beautiful. The kits themselves were designed entirely by Miss Jenn and they’re amazing. Hopefully in the future I’ll be able to collaborate on some designs as well but for now my part comes in for those that don’t care to mess with all the code to get things looking just so. For me it provides a nice break from the more intense creative side of designing but I get to still help people make their blogs more personal and fun to look at. :) I’ll be taking on a very limited number of custom blog designs over the next few months so this will keep me up on the code (read geeky) side of things because I really don’t want to have to re-learn all that stuff after being away from it for 3 months. I’m a use it or lose it type person for sure. Sooo, that’s a bit about this exciting new collaboration and to celebrate I thought it would be fun to give away a shabby blog installation and Miss Jenn, being the sweetheart that she is, has offered to throw in the shabby blog kit of your choice. :) Just leave a comment here (make sure to include your email address) and on Valentine’s Day I’ll randomly pick a lucky winner. :)
Lots of emails to catch up on and a few banners to recreate (luckily easier the second time around than the 1st). Those of you waiting please be patient and I promise I’ll make the wait up to you. I’ve got everything loaded back on the computer and the next few days off to get caught up.
So… the past few months in a nutshell:
Holidays for the most part - SUCKED. The week leading up to Christmas was great. Got some VERY sweet gifts from my sweetheart. I got clothes (which I desperately needed and oddly enough he’s the only person who I trust to clothes shop for me without me even there) and stocking stuffers like razors (’cuz they’re so stinkin’ expensive and I’m trying to manage on my own here and sometimes that means luxuries like a sharp razor are the last thing on the shopping list, ya know, behind milk and laundry detergent). Oh, and a power tooth brush. (hmmm, now that I actually list these things, you think there’s a personal hygiene concern here? I swear I brush and shave daily even when I’m too busy.) Anyway, moving on ‘cuz this post is already getting too long… Christmas Eve I spent with my family and got to see my nieces and nephews open their presents. Can’t beat that. Christmas day I spent alone. Wow is that ever about the worst day to be alone. I tried to pretend it was just a normal Tuesday but wasn’t that successful. The new year’s holiday was more of the same. I just wanted the holidays to be over. Luckily I had a birthday in January which went much better. Dinner with my parents the night before. I did spend most of my actual birthday working but I took a break for lunch with Nikki and a little mall walking that afternoon. Dinner at one of my favorite restaurants that night with my sweetheart and then a girls movie night to see 27 dresses.
Project 365 … I decided to jump in on the photo a day challenge here. I was really disappointed in how few photos I have from the past year and I’ve been wanting to learn more about my camera so I thought this would be the perfect challenge for me. Shockingly I’ve actually taken at least one photo almost every day this year and I’m learning a lot already about my camera settings and lighting and even a little about myself. I figured if I’m going to make it through the year I’m not going to beat myself up on rules. The important thing is to document something from my life each day. For me that won’t always mean a self-portrait but the idea is that most of them would be. And once in a great while it’s okay if someone else even took the photo as long as it’s a photo documenting that day of my life in some small way. And I love the prompts that Anna comes up with each day but I’m not letting a difficult prompt hold me back from taking a photo. If I did I would’ve skipped day 1 and what kind of way is that to start a year long challenge?! I’ve missed a few days so far, lost a couple days when my computer crashed and have over a week still sitting on my camera not downloaded yet but you can see the ones that I have posted here or through the flickr link on the right. So if you don’t see me here for awhile you can always check the flickr to make sure I haven’t dropped off the planet.
Life and loneliness …So I had the opportunity to work with Dr. Brene Brown on a blog design recently and she sent me a copy of her book that the blog is somewhat in conjunction with. Brene has been so fun to work with. To be honest I think if it weren’t for the computer crash, canceled cable and even power outage it may have taken me a better part of the year to read the book she’d sent because I rarely can clear my mind enough to read. The book is called ‘I Thought It Was Just Me’ and the sub-title is ‘women reclaiming power and courage in a culture of shame’.
One paragraph that really hit home with me said this:
"We believe that the most terrifying and destructive feeling that a person can experience is psychological isolation. This is not the same as being alone. It is a feeling that one is locked out of the possibility of human connection and of being powerless to change the situation. In the extreme, psychological isolation can lead to a sense of hopelessness and desperation. People will do almost anything to escape this combination of condemned isolation and powerlessness."
For quite some time now I’ve been feeling incredibly lonely. The kind of loneliness that doesn’t go away even when I’m in a crowd of people or with friends. Even before reading this book I’d been giving a lot of thought to the idea that my loneliness is more than a product of just living alone. I mean that’s definitely a factor. I’m tired of coming home to an empty apartment (other than Pixel which definitely helps), tired of grocery shopping alone, tired of not having anyone here to talk to or just know they’re in the other room, and tired of sleeping in bed alone. I mean sure, sleeping diagonally across the bed is nice and all but it’s just not the same as having someone next to you. Anyway, I know these are products of choices I’ve made and right now the right choice is to be on my own, it’s just been a really long year and I know for sure that I’m not really cut out to do this long term.
But I think the loneliness lately is actually more a product of the fact that I’ve intentionally isolated myself from pretty much everyone who cares about me. I think largely because I kept thinking that in a few weeks or maybe a couple months I’ll have this life thing in order. That everything will be neatly tied up in a pretty package and then I can let those who I’ve kept at arms length back into my life. And hopefully by then that pretty package will have a few extra hours in there so that I can spend more time with these friends. That is if they’re still around.
Anyway, I’m rambling but I guess I just want to say thank you to those friends who still check in even when I drop off the planet for months at a time. Hopefully I’ll either learn enough from reading Brene’s book or all the chaos and tough parts of life will start taking a turn for the better and I can start rebuilding bridges that I’ve torn down over the past year.
Wow, that got much heavier than I intended. Luckily I probably lost most of you right after the blog giveaway right??? Kay, I’ve been jotting down thoughts to blog about on the backs of receipts and junk mail for 3 months so let’s see…
Movie Reviews …
Juno - Love loved LOVED it. So many great lines. Funny all the way through. If you haven’t seen it you must!
Gone Baby Gone - Very thought provoking. Kinda rough but very well written and I didn’t even know Ben Affleck had a brother. Great line from the movie - "He lied to me. Now I can’t think of one reason big enough for him to lie about that’s small enough not to matter."
Fracture - Anthony Hopkins and Ryan Gosling. Amazing on screen together.
Dedication - This one I haven’t seen yet but it should be in my mailbox right now. Love Mandy Moore (as a singer and actress) and I’ve wanted to see this since I first saw the trailer months ago. Somehow I think it skipped the theatres around here which works out actually kinda good since I don’t have cable and I’m running out of good movies to watch when I need something playing in the background. Oh, and the website for it is quite artsy and creative. Gotta love that. :)
No Reservations - very sweet, great movie to rent for valentine’s day.
What I want to see this valentine’s day… Definitely, Maybe oh, and I still have to see this. Not a fan of the long hair version Matthew McConaughey but he and Kate Hudson are always great together.
Movies and music are two of my favorite things. For my current music faves you can always check out the blog-pod. I try to keep that fresh even when I haven’t posted here in awhile. :)
To-Do List …
- Shower
- Get caught up on blog design work this week
- Try to get caught up on emails
- Take daily photos
- Read the rest of Brene’s book
- Mail out packages (I still have Christmas gifts waiting to be mailed and it’s Feb!)
- Post more on blog
Wow, if you made it through reading all of this you deserve 2 entries for the giveaway. LOL Those of you who made it through, pop over to the design blog and leave a comment there for an extra chance. :)
Shabbyjuls says:
Sending you a great big {{hug}} You know I love ya:) I know those feelings of isolation all to well…but I am prayin for ya and know that it will get better. This year has already started out alittle rocky….I keep sayin too it’s gonna get better it has too. Stay strong sweetie:)
February 12th, 2008 at 1:39 pm
Mel says:
So glad to see you back!!! The 365 photos are great so far!! love looking at them! Sign me up for the giveaway.
February 12th, 2008 at 1:42 pm
Amanda says:
Soooo good to hear from you! Life can hand us some horrible times, but I really believe what doesnt kill you, makes you stronger!!
February 12th, 2008 at 1:59 pm
Michelle *ChellyBelly* says:
Always loved your blog and your layouts. I’m glad your posting again. Please sign me up for the giveaway i would love to have a cool blog like you
February 12th, 2008 at 2:02 pm
Emily says:
That physcological isolation thing sounds familiar- and I live with my husband and 2 dogs.. for me though I think it stems from having lived in the city for years on my own and then moving to the suburbs when I married my husband. My friends are all in the city and the only people we hang out with in the suburbs are my hubbie’s parents.. I’m not sure how to meet new people and how to un-isolate myself and I’m not even sure I have the energy to bother sometimes…
anyway.. love your blog- been lurking for quite a while. And I love Shabby Miss Jenn and have been planning to start up my very own blog sometime soon so this giveaway is great!
Glad you’re back!
February 12th, 2008 at 2:02 pm
Amanda says:
Yay!! This is awesome. Youare such a sweetie for doing this. I hope I win!!!!!
February 12th, 2008 at 2:29 pm
carissa... brown eyed fox says:
So glad your back!
It is all part of the ride… isn’t it. The roller coaster gets wild sometimes and scoops really low. I think the balance & load of it all gets really heavy.
Keep up your beautiful chin! Big hugs!!!
February 12th, 2008 at 3:16 pm
Kasie@~The Art of Life~ says:
I’m so glad to see you blogging again!
I’m sorry that you’ve been feeling lonely.
Sometimes I feel like I isolate myself from my loved ones also. I’m not sure why. I think a lot of creative types are also naturally introverted.
Hope you feel better soon! :)
I would love to be entered in your drawing.
February 12th, 2008 at 3:29 pm
katelyn says:
ANNNNDDD
she’s alive
i know youve been insanely busy, so i’ve just been sitting.. waiting.. patiently.
miss you, like super bad.
bummed that we didnt make the florida trip happen.. soon though.. (thats what we always say). glad you finally got your computer back.
i loved juno too.
and cant wait to see no reservations.
i’m reading a really great book too right now.. and a biography to boot.
it practically screams me when i am reading it (albeit an older me)
it’s called no reservations.. i’ll mail it to you when i am done if youre interested.
kisses
call me
February 12th, 2008 at 3:51 pm
blizzardstripes says:
Hello, I am new to blogging and found your blog because of Shabby Miss Jenn.
I too feel lonely some days and think it’s easier to talk to friends than family. I will add you to my blog list.
Hope you days get better.
February 12th, 2008 at 3:59 pm
Maegan says:
Holy Cow! I almost fell off of my chair when I saw a new post (from YOU no less!)
Glad to see you are back sweetie. And no, you are not getting rid of me that easily. Love ya!
February 12th, 2008 at 4:41 pm
Anna M. says:
That was quite the blog entry. I have really been wanting to see Juno too, I might need to go by myself since my DH isn’t sure if he wants to go.
February 12th, 2008 at 6:06 pm
aBookworm says:
I’m like that too - use it or lose it! sigh
Count me in for the giveaway. It’s the best!
February 12th, 2008 at 6:49 pm
Sandra says:
welcome back… you were missed… I would check my feeds and every once in a while pull up your site to make sure my reader was working lol…
What you touch on is something so many of us face. Lonliness and isolation is so hard to handle and I have dealt with it for quite a while even while living with some family. I think I will get that book.
Hugs
February 12th, 2008 at 6:55 pm
MelodyA. says:
I just wanna hug you too. Gosh sometimes being around so much chaos daily can make a gal lonely too. I can say that being the one who makes sure a house runs not so smoothly can make me feel completely lost and lonely for what makes me me. Just keep pushing through and find your inner peace.
February 12th, 2008 at 7:26 pm
Christie says:
Hey Shawn long time since we’ve talked! Lots of exciting news for you :)
I was wondering if it would be possible to have you design graphics for me for an ebay store… or if you only do them for blogs. Let me know! :)
February 12th, 2008 at 7:36 pm
Roslyn says:
I can imagine what’s life like without computer/laptop. Good to see you back!
February 12th, 2008 at 8:34 pm
Donna says:
Oh Shawn, it is so great to see that you’ve posted again. I’ve missed you tons!!
I’m like you. I hate when my computers down or gone.I do a lot of late night wind down with my favorite t.v. shows on the computer too.
I’m sorry about yor holidays sweetie. Sending hugs your way.
I’m sorry that you’ve been feeling so lonely. I completely know how you feel.
Just know that there are alot of us here that just love you to pieces, and is here for you.
p.s. i loved Juno too!!
Have a Great Day!!
February 12th, 2008 at 9:57 pm
jenn says:
Hey, welcome back! It’s good to see you posting again!
I’ve missed you!
February 12th, 2008 at 10:34 pm
Teresa says:
Hey there girl-
It’s so good to see a post from you, I always look forward to reading them. You write with such clarity and honesty….I could never put myself out there like you do in talking about such important issues, although I’m so sorry to know you’re struggling. I’ve pushed a lot of people away lately too…just always think “I’ll have more time, when…”. Gotta get past that. :) Care to toss that book my way when you’re done? LOL Sounds like a fascinating read.
365…I commend you on keeping it up! I lost my momentum very quickly. Might try to pick it up again soon, but need to let myself miss a day or two without feeling guilty about it.
I very rarely update my blog anymore, but had to tell you….we have the same background. :) Just love that blue. Mine isn’t nearly as cute and customized as yours, though (how’d you do that font in the sidebars??). I bow to your talents, you’ve got a fabulous eye for this and I’m happy to hear it’s been so successful for you!
I should have just sent you an email, eh? :) Hope you have a great week….I’ll have to check out your 365 photos, they’re always very inspiring (and possibly costly if I finally talk myself into that remote!).
{{big hugs}} T.
February 12th, 2008 at 11:12 pm
Margot says:
Yay! You’re back!
I feel ya on the lonely thing, it’s hard isn’t it? I don’t think we as people are really meant to be alone, and top that off with being used to being with someone, and it’s really a hard thing to do!
February 13th, 2008 at 12:32 am
Danielle says:
YAAAAAAAAAAY! You’re back! It’s me! The computer-illiterate-blog-need-help-with-stalker!
I’m so sorry you’ve been feeling lonely. I don’t know you personally and don’t know the hardships or tribulations you’ve been going through, but I hope you find some peace and reassurance from family and friends as well as us in BloggerWorld. It takes courage and foresight to see that you are feeling that way (isolating yourself, I mean) and to want to do something, whatever it may be for you, to make you feel better. Good luck!
I hope I win!!!!
February 13th, 2008 at 1:04 am
Yvette says:
Hi, I’m checking out all your blogs…to much fun. Thanks for the fun giveaway!!
February 13th, 2008 at 1:13 am
Diane says:
HI Shawn
I just happened to pop over to see what you were up to and so happy to see a post!
I understand your lonliness. I am 44 and most of my life that I can remember I have felt different from other people and that makes me feel even lonlier. I don’t know what it is that makes me feel different. I think part of it is the creative spirit that I have just like another post said. I am an introvert. When I was very young I know I had social anxiety. When I was asked a question in church I usually cried, really, I couldn’t answer out loud. It got worse until I started going to college and then well you just don’t cry! LOL! A lot of that came from living with an abusive husband who just beat me down so that I didn’t think anything I had to say was worth hearing. I have lived the single life after being married and I don’t like it. I know how lonely that life can be. I am not a bar hopper and every guy I met would say wow you talk so much on the phone but in person you just lock up. It is true I have a really hard time meeting new aquantances in person! I am sounding really weird now huh? However, after getting into my late 30’s things changed. I think you have to live life to get more confidence. The more you live and the more you go through the more confidence you will get in yourself and the less lonley you will feel. For the last 5 years I have almost totally isolated myself from my friends and family….I just felt this huge hole in the pit of my stomach and nothing could fill it. I didn’t want to talk to anyone, I didn’t want to be around anyone. (my poor husband) I just wanted to suffer through whatever I was going through alone. The whole was JESUS Shawn. He wasn’t in my life at all during that time. When we moved to Arkansas I tried going to church but I would just sit there and cry, which truthfully was a good thing, but to embarrasing for me. In all honesty it was God convicting me. Anyways I am still not going to church, for now it is my day of rest and a day to have my house to myself. I am a type of person that NEEDS alone time and I wasn’t getting it after Dylan moved in. So for now it is my alone day and Papa and Dylan go to church. I know I need to go and when I feel better I will. I am trying antidepressants and having a hard time getting the right one. I thought I could beat this depression thing myself but when it got to where I wasn’t brushing my hair for 3 days I knew I needed helf! Jesus is now in my life again through my blog. I believe that is why God brought blogging to me. So that I could spread his word in a way I could. The women I have met through my blog are my church right now. So many people have told me that I have changed or touched their lives and so many of them have changed and touched my life! I just feel so humbled thinking that. A church is where you go to get your nourishment to make it through this crazy life. Without that nourishment I was starving and that was that hole in my gut. I don’t know about your religion and you may be going to church. Please don’t let me offend you but I just encourage you to spend time with Jesus. Even if it is through blogging. I told my dtr to read one verse a day from her bible and just let it speak to her. I am trying to do that myself now. I don’t feel so lonely anymore. Jesus is in my life again and I have so much to be thankful and grateful for. The main thing is even when you think he is not there he is.
I know it is easier to talk about than to actually live.
I don’t think anything happens by accident. I think God is in control of the whole show. I will be praying for you Shawn. One day you will look back at this time of your life and say “OH that is why that happened.” I don’t know if you have heard of Charles Stanley but I really like the way his teaching. So very simple. If you would like a link to get a daily devotional from him let me know and I will send it your way.
xoxo
Diane
February 13th, 2008 at 10:45 am
Diane says:
Me again sweets
I forgot to tell you that I used to feel so different and it really bugged me but once I hit 40. I was like I am different and that is OK. I lived all of my life trying to be somebody I wasn’t and I threw that out the window and now I am just me and I like me!
February 13th, 2008 at 10:48 am
Noelle says:
I would love a beautiful blog! Have a great day!
February 13th, 2008 at 11:38 am
Heather says:
Remember… this is just a hiccup in life, a blip on your radar… even though it may seem like an impossible mountain today.
February 13th, 2008 at 12:58 pm
Artsy Amy says:
Big hug from a former lurker. Your honesty about being lonely touched my heart. As a fellow late night computer user, movie lover and creative type I truly understand. I’m married, have a 14 year old son and two cats; yet I couldn’t feel more alone. Blogging has been a lifesaver for me. Meeting virtual friends with similar interests from all over the world has been a light unto my dreary path. I too have held family and friends at more than arm’s length for many a rationalized reason. (I think I’m really protecting them from me.) Please know that you are not alone although it may feel like it. Hugs from Alabama…
February 13th, 2008 at 3:50 pm
Margie S. says:
I can’t believe you had to spend Christmas alone! How sad-I remember doing that years ago and it was the pits!
I have to come back and play catch up on your blog-it’s been so long since I have had time to enjoy it!!
February 13th, 2008 at 5:34 pm
megan duerksen says:
i am so glad you are back.
it makes me sad to hear you going through a rough time.
but you sounds like you are getting a hold of it….? maybe.
i think you are right on about choosing to isolate. when i start to feel depressed on grumpy…i just go more into myself. when i KNOW that talkng to a friend…getting out of the house…even just talking on the phone makes me feel way better. then i get grumpier!
maybe a gift in the mail??? will make you feel better.
i will try to get it out this week.
you are super talented!
i love all the bright colors on everything you do!
have a good day today.
and pick me to win. :)
-meg
February 13th, 2008 at 5:58 pm
Rebecca K says:
I’ve been a fan of your blog for some time, and I love your work. I just wanted to let you know that I have been in a similar situation (single, living alone, isolated from friends and family, deep in a funk). While I don’t have a magic answer for making it better, I can say that came to realize that I am just not cut out for living alone. I hope things get better for you soon, though, since you seem like such a sweet person. Oh, and thanks for the drawing entry!
February 13th, 2008 at 6:22 pm
Sandra says:
I almost didn’t click on your little pea name on by blog list for fear of seeing the same post I’ve seen for the last however many days. Lucky for me, I did and was rewarded with a new post!
I’m so sorry your holidays sucked, but glad your birthday was better.
I really understand what you mean about keeping others at arm’s length until you get this life together. I’ve been doing that for 10 years with the excuse of “I’ll be moving away soon, so I don’t want to get to invested here.” I wonder what relationships could have blossomed in all those years I spent not giving them water.
I hope your book reading efforts lead you to a happier more at peace with yourself and your life you. :)
February 13th, 2008 at 8:56 pm
Mallory says:
Shawn.
I am glad to see your updated blog…I can’t wait to see the awesome blog you are creating for me… I know that wait will be worth it…I have so many pictures just waiting in the camera.
Hopefully I will be able to figure it out. You might have to help .
February 13th, 2008 at 9:02 pm
brene brown says:
you really are shiztastic. love your blog, your creativity and what you bring to all of us!
February 13th, 2008 at 9:40 pm
kim in Camas - ScrapToMyLu says:
I wondered where you were………So gald you’re back.
February 14th, 2008 at 12:00 am
Corrie -- Quilt Taffy says:
Glad you are back. Take care of yourself. We hope to hear from you soon.
February 14th, 2008 at 1:07 am
sharon k says:
I would love to win a blog install.
sharon
February 14th, 2008 at 1:36 am
Laure says:
glad you’re back…would LOVE a new blog :)
February 14th, 2008 at 12:05 pm
Julie L. says:
Ooh–I am so excited that you are giving us a double chance for a shot at winning your fabulous blog install!
Thanks!
February 14th, 2008 at 3:20 pm
anna says:
hi shawn
so nice to see ablog entry from you!!!love your view on 365, and cannot wiat to see your photos, take care and huge hugs
anna xxxx
February 14th, 2008 at 8:11 pm
Kelly L. says:
Ahhhh….girlfriend….
So glad to hear from you…the good, the bad, and the ugly.
Yep, that pretty much sums up life.
Hope you see many, many more happy days in 08. Did you know it’s the Year of the Rat and that is the year of new beginnings?
You = New Beginings
A good thing.
Love ya,
Kelly
February 14th, 2008 at 10:27 pm
Jen R says:
Shawn,
I am so glad to see you back. Lonliness is hard and you are not alone in feeling that way…If you ever want a chat, pop me an e-mail…No one ever has enough friends. hang in there and stay around so we can be here for you. We missed you!
Jen R
February 15th, 2008 at 1:35 am
Kerry says:
Hey Shawn! I hope things start looking up for you soon. It seems like you have lots of wonderful things in your life that you need to enjoy. Have a great weekend. Your in my thoughts!
Kerry
February 16th, 2008 at 12:31 pm