Ya’ll are the sweetest. Amazingly kind and sweet. I know what it’s like to be a lurker so those of you who de-lurked to comment on my last post thank you. I can’t even keep up with responding to the uplifting sweet things you’ve all said. I called Jill right away to tell her she made me cry. I’m so lucky to have her in my life. The rest of you I wish I could just move you all closer so we could have a big ‘ol girls night out every once in awhile.

I wanted to follow up to say that I totally agree with those of you who mentioned how helpful medication could be. I’ve known quite a few people who have taken or take anti-depressants and I believe 100% that they work and that they are often needed. I guess for me right now I question whether this funk that I’ve been in is more circumstantial so I hesitate to become dependant on chemicals to help and then not know when or how to stop taking them. I do think the chemical thing must have at least something to do with it. In fact I thought it was just a hormonal thing for the first week but going on week 2 of ultra-sensitive, cry-at-the-drop-of-a-hat emotions is getting a little tiring.

I do think the fact that I actually do the crying thing is good though. I guess it’s one of the advantages to living alone. Friday night I had my niece overnight and had to resort to crying in the shower just so she wouldn’t wonder what’s wrong with Auntie Shawny. I mean who can be sad with a brand new puppy?! Talk about feeling like you’re losing your grip on things. I also have shoulders to cry on. More than I realized apparently. Like Kimmy said I really am truly blessed.

I’m not giving up. The loss of hope is a scary thing for me but I still try and believe that life will be so much different 6 months or a year from now. I do hope that I can look back on these feelings and say it was all worth it to be filled with the happiness that I know is out there for me. I’m just not a patient person so having certain aspects of life in a holding pattern is a struggle.

I do want to make it clear that I’m not blaming anyone else for my sadness lately. I do think alot of it is circumstantial and I’m responsible for my own circumstances.

Anyway, enough sadness. It definitely helps to feel like other people struggle with the same feelings so if you can relate please keep the comments comin’. They make me feel a little less crazy, a little less pitiful, especially coming from people who I admire so much. 

So how ’bout some random totally not depressing stuff? Warning, completely random rambling ahead. Ya’ll will think I’ve got more issues than just being down the way this crazy mind of mine bounces around sometimes.

First some consumer reviews that I’ve been meaning to blog about:

Dove Energy Glow. Lovin’ this stuff. It’s a lotion that gradually gives you some color like you’ve been in the sun. I don’t love it QUITE as much as the pricier Lancome stuff that I used to use. If you’ve got the extra money and wanna splurge go for the Lancome Flash Bronzer (especially love the shimmery version). If you want the drug store price definitely try this Dove stuff. :)

And these new Venus Breeze shavers – not so much. I caved to the fact that the purple would look good with the other items in my shower. (See previous wierdness post here.) Waste of money. The silly wing things seem like they don’t even let the razor make full contact with your skin. I think I’ll get a refill of razors for my trusty vibrating men’s shaver. Highly recommend that one. Not as comfortable to hold for some reason but it actually works longer than 2 weeks. The women’s version doesn’t seem to be sealed as well so the batteries have issues before you even go through one refill of razors.

On Digiscrapping:

A couple of items I’ve picked up that I’m particularly excited about…

  Both by Rhonna Farrer at 2 Peas

By Jessica Bolton from Scrapbook Graphics

And you can probably tell from my blog that I’m a huge fan of Nancy Comelab’s frames since I can barely post without using them. Well have you heard the news?

She’s having an amazing sale that ends Friday so hop over and check it out if you haven’t already. :)

Eclectic Whimsy Boutique:

I’ve been working on some fun new hair accessories to add to the store. Hopefully I’ll have some photos to post by the weekend. And I’m dying to switch my own purse over to one of the new designs from the recent home boutique show but I was hoping ya’ll would snatch them up a little quicker so that I didn’t have so many to choose from. I totally can’t decide which one to carry next. The designs in this batch are my favorites so far. So, to sweeten the deal and help narrow down my options I’m gonna include a free hair accessory of your choice (adult and little kiddo options available) with any purse order between now and Saturday (5-26).

Pixel update:

Cute as ever. Still a tiny little thing. We go to the vet in the morning so hopefully she’s a healthy puppy. She certainly seems to be. She’s starting to listen alot better and is learning to chew on her toys (not my fingers or pig tails). And she likes her crate already. She even hangs out in it on her own when I’m home. I love her to pieces. :)

Entertainment Musings:

How have I not blogged about television lately? Tonight I’m watching American Idol and then the 2nd half of Dancing with the Stars. My AI pick would be Blake but Jordin is amazing too. Blake has been my favorite since the beginning though so it’d be fun to see him win. Although Jordin just sang and got choked up and sure enough, here come the waterworks again. I’m such an emotional basketcase. LOL

Anyway, in DWtS’s I like all 3 that are left but I think Anton is my favorite, then probably Layla and Joey last but they’re all amazing dancers in very different ways. Still amazed at the popularity of this show. I seriously thought I’d be the only viewer when it was in it’s first season. Already looking forward to hearing who the stars will be for next season. :)

And I mentioned it briefly in the last post but I LOVE Brothers and Sisters. I think I’m going to start watching it again from the beginning on my laptop in bed each night. Did you know you can do this? And it’s FREE. Love that! May have to watch What About Brian too. Did I hear somewhere that it didn’t get renewed?

Oh, and I saw a great movie with my boss a couple of weeks ago. Fracture with Anthony Hopkins and Ryan Gosling (from the Notebook). Excellent movie. In fact I’d love to see it again in the theatre before it’s gone. It was that good.

Wow, how’s that for random?! I’m starting to question what the real block is in my scrapbook journaling since I clearly have the gift of gab when it comes to this blog. If anyone’s made it this far you deserve a cupcake. :)

You have all lifted my spirits and tonight I am feeling more optimistic. Thank you so much for that. When I was at my peak of creating digital scrapbook pages or including adorable photos of nieces and nephews in every post I could make a little sense of people following my blog but it’s a great feeling to know that so many of you stick around even when the creative stuff is lacking and the posts are a bit more gritty. I really am truly blessed in the friends department. You guys are the best!

Gotta run to the grocery store (out of Instant Breakfast) and then drop off some overdue rented movies. Then a bit more sewing and hopefully a little scrapping. Then Brothers & Sisters and some sleep. Great suggestion. :) I seem to be on the every other night plan as far as sleep goes. Last night: not so good, which means tonight should be better. Hopefully.

Thanks again all of you.

 

sensitive
…lately

near tears
…constantly

sad
…alot

even with an adorable new puppy. :(

And I don’t know if it’s just that the stuff of life…the sad stuff, the stressful stuff, the frustrating stuff…is all just getting to me? Maybe the living alone thing is just starting to feel lonelier. Although the new puppy should help with that shouldn’t it? Still I wake up sad every day. The thing is, for the most part nothing has changed the last couple of weeks that I SHOULD feel so sad. I mean there’s plenty to be sad about but none of it is really new. And still in comparison it’s so minor compared to what others go through in life. When I’m down though it doesn’t SEEM minor. It feels hopeless. Hopelessness is a really tough thing. You can go through a lot of rough stuff but if you have even just a glimmer of hope that things will be okay in the end it can make all the difference in the world.

Like I said, it’s not that anything bad has happened to cause the sadness. In some ways I should probably feel more optimistic about the future. It’s just the getting from here to there is hard. So hard. And time, long lengths of time, is what adds to the feelings of hopelessness.

It’s not that there aren’t happy moments. I love having Pixel here to hang out with me and make me laugh and cuddle with me. Going out for ice cream or a night hanging out in my favorite area of Grand Rapids eating at our favorite hang out, those things lift me up. The sweet comments that people leave on my blog lift me up (even if they’re just gushing about Pixel). :) I still put on that happy face though. It’s still a masquerade. My posts here are still mostly fluff. They’re real but they’re not the whole picture.

Because lately I cry. Alot. And you wouldn’t know it from reading my blog. Or even from seeing me in person or spending time with me. In those situations I smile. And usually because at that moment I actually am happy. It’s when I go to bed each night that I’m sad. And waking up each morning I’m sad. I tear up over just about anything. Like reading this post on a blog I recently discovered. I think I cried straight through Brothers & Sisters Sunday night. A song on the radio. The Bachelor finale – yup, cried then too.

Ya know how sometimes you just don’t wanna hear someone else’s story of how they have the same problem/issue? Like you just want people to let you have your moment of self-pity? Well, totally not the case here. I just wanna feel like I’m not some crazy sad person. Like there are lots of people who get these feelings, explainable or unexplainable. Please tell me you’ve felt like this. Tell me your story. Tell me what you do to pick yourself back up. Make me feel like this is normal and it’ll pass. I just want to be happy. The kind of happiness that lasts. The kind that gives hope.

Another post with no photos. I have been keeping up the photo-a-day thing better though and I started one of pixel, at least while she’s a growing puppy to remember just how tiny she was when I got her. I’ll include a few songs again instead. The first two make me tear up lately (surprise surprise) and the third is just one of my favorites at the moment.

Finally got in some fabric I’d been waiting for last night so I’ll be sewing a bit today to finish up some orders and going into the office this afternoon. I can take Pixel with me to this office so I’m sure she’ll enjoy that. It’s a gorgeous sunny day. The lawn’s freshly cut at the apartments. I get to spend part of my day being creative. Should be a happy day right? 

…in love with Pixel. I think it took about 30 seconds. She’s sweet, she’s adorable, she’s funny and smart. We picked her up Friday afternoon…

Isn’t she the cutest thing you’ve ever seen? She’s so tiny. I didn’t realize just how tiny she’d be at just 8 weeks old. She has only 2 speeds. Out cold or a hundred miles an hour in every direction. And going from one to the other can be the funniest thing. When you see her start stretching and do that big yawn the fun is about to begin. She prances around almost hopping like a bunny. She can’t even sit at her food dish to eat. She takes a bite and then hippity hops around to a different spot to eat it. Then back to the bowl to start over. Totally inefficient but adorable. She loves her chew toys (almost as much as my hair – workin’ on that).

She a complete bundle of energy and then suddenly she’s laying there sound asleep. And it’s not a smooth transition. Usually she literally falls over and she’s out. She was jumpin’ around and wrestling with her toys just 30 seconds before I took this picture of her. It’s crazy. LOL

She sleeps alot actually. She’s even slept through the night both nights. Gotta love that.

Right now I’m blogging and she’s snuggled up sound asleep on my lap. My favorite movie Serendipity is on the tv. New favorite line from the movie – "If you want to improve be content to be thought foolish and stupid." Have I mentioned before how great the soundtrack is in this movie? I’m sure I have. :)

So yup, I’m head over heels. I love her to pieces. How could you not love that smooshy little wrinkly face? She’s just perfect and she’s my little buddy and this weekend I am very thankful to have her. VERY thankful.

Oy vay! I should be sleeping. I have to be up early. I have to get to work early so that I can leave early to pick up my new puppy. Yup, tomorrow’s the day. But it’s 2 am and I am wide awake with excitement.

I had Koda all week until this morning and already tonight the apartment felt so empty to come home to. I could use a little bit of happiness to come home to every day. Right now I’m feeling a little bit like life is 1 step forward 2 steps back. Hopefully this puppy will keep pulling me forward. Alot to expect from a little 4 1/2 pound critter huh?!

It seems as though at least some of you are enjoying the cute puppy pics so I thought I would link you to Melissa’s blog in case you haven’t seen enough here. I have no idea how she found my blog but she just got a puggle a few months ago and I’ve had so much fun reading about her adventures with their new sweetie. She has such a way of describing little Belle’s personality. Like I love this part from her post here:

"She loves her people. L.O.V.E.S. Seriously, if you walk on two feet and have the ability to pet and play, you are instantly added to her "inner circle". She’s such a love."

Awwww. But you gotta click on the link ‘cuz the photos in the post are completely adorable. 

Or this post. I love the Napolean Dynamite reference. This girl cracks me up. And the "Princess-pick-me-up-I’m-tired-pants" part. HAH! Too funny.

Can’t wait to start teaching Pixel some tricks like these. Very impressive Belle. :)

Kay, I better try and get some sleep. I have a feeling I’m going to need alot of energy this weekend and staying up till 3 am is not gonna help. Back tomorrow with more puppy pics I’m sure. I promise not to turn this into a blog only about Pixel. I’ve actually been doing a bit of scrapping so hopefully during puppy naps I can finish those up and I’m waiting on a fabric order that should be here any day so more sewing ahead too. :)

Hope everyone has a great Friday. I’m pretty sure I will be. :)

To make up for the lack of photos a little background music to listen to instead…

Lovin’ Lifehouse lately.

~Nighty-night~

Are you tired of seeing puppy pics yet? I’m afraid you’ll be seeing a lot more so hopefully not. I’ve picked out a puppy and I think I’ll be able to pick her up this weekend. I can’t wait! I know it’s a big commitment but it’s well worth it to have a little buddy to hang out with and keep me company. So…

Isn’t she the cutest thing you’ve ever seen? And how fun is that name?! It is just too perfect with my digi-scrapping love and doesn’t it just fit her? I can’t even imagine a more perfect name. :)

Have all of you checked out this site?

 

I watched a few of the episodes yesterday and they’re fun and I’m LOVING their gallery. I started setting mine up and there are so many features that I love about it. Now the only thing that’s missing is LOs by more of my uber-talented friends. I’ve looked for many of your usernames but noone seems to be there yet but me. :( Check it out and leave me some love and let me know if you start a gallery there so I can add you to my favorite SISters list. :) If Sarah’s on the team you know it’s gonna be an awesome site. Can’t wait for her first challenge that comes out tomorrow in the message boards area.

Have you checked out the new bags? There are some new styles and a variety of price ranges available. Just shoot me an email if you have any questions or are interested in purchasing one of the bags shown. The swing bag style is an Amy Butler pattern that I’ve fallen in love with. I’ve been using one for carrying all my crochet stuff and a few magazines in (as seen here) and it would make a GREAT bag to take to the beach. It’s also perfect size for a mom who wants to stash a couple diapers and some baby essentials along with a wallet and mommy essentials all in a stylish purse. :)

On the completely random list of things on my mind lately is the amount of milk that I’ve discovered I go through all by myself. It is insane! I honestly go through a half gallon a day. Easily. I could actually buy 3 gallons of milk in one trip to the grocery store and be confident that none of it would expire in my fridge. CRAZY!

I’m way behind on my photo-a-day posting. I’m not quite as behind at taking the photos as I am at posting them but I haven’t taken as many as I’d like. I’m thinking about taking the camera with me for a day and trying something like this. Seems like a fun idea and something that would make for a great scrapbook page at the end of the day. I’d also like to take a week and do a theme of some sort like Lauren’s self portrait theme lately or maybe my favorite things about my new apartment/area. Just need something to kick-start me back into hauling out the camera more often again. Although I guess a new puppy will probably help with that too. :) 

Kay, better get back to work. Hope everyone’s having a great Wednesday. Looking forward to a night out with Jill tonight maybe with some great food here. That salad and their amazing blue cheese chips are calling my name. :)

 

Oh, where to begin…

I’ve been crazy busy with getting ready for that boutique show and then trying to wind down a bit after it was all over but I did do the drawing finally Friday night after the show and the winner is…

I’ll have to get your mailing address from you so I’ll be in touch. :)

I had so much fun sewing new bags for the show that I’m excited to get back into that more in the weeks ahead. So many fun new fabrics out there and I’ve been playing with some new designs. It’s so fun to see people walk in and hear their reactions to all the bags that I’d worked so hard on. Great sense of accomplishment after a couple of crazy busy weeks. Seemed like with most everyone who came to the show it was a matter of deciding WHICH bag out of the many that they liked. Gotta love that. :) I’ll be posting some of the new designs available in the on-line boutique later tonight so keep an eye out there but here’s a few pics from the show to give you a sneak peak. :)

Is Amy the most photogenic girl you’ve ever seen or what?! I wish I’d had her hold all the bags for the pictures.

After the show ended on Saturday I picked up my niece Celena and my dog and met my sister Kimmy and her girls downtown for the Tulip Time parade. Celena and I split a piece of junk food pizza and some fries with vinegar (my favorite) and I got a bag of caramel corn to take home. The weather was gorgeous, even got a little burnt but now it’s just looking like I finally have a little color so it’s all good. :) I’ve got tons more pics so I’ll definitely be scrapping these but here’s a few of my favorites…

Oh, and to clear things up on the puppy stuff, Koda in the photo above is the dog that I currently have a sort-of joint custody arrangement where I hang out with him on my lunches when I’m working in town and occasionally I get to have him for a night or two (like tonight). The flickr photos in my previous post were just various pictures of the type of puppy that I’m wanting to get since I’ve discovered that I really like having Koda around but that’s not an option full-time. Koda is a Cavelier which is a GREAT breed but I’m thinking he would really love a Puggle for a buddy. Anyway, I didn’t get any good pics of the puggle that was at the race last weekend so that’s why I found some favorites on flickr and posted those to remind me how cute it was. The following photo is actually one of a litter that’s a little too young to leave their mom just yet but if I decide to do the puppy thing then likely one of these will be keeping me company very soon. :)

Aren’t they just too cute?!?! Decisions decisions. I want one so bad but trying not to make an impulse decision about them. I’ll definitely keep ya posted. :)

Yesterday I took a look back on my post last year for mother’s day. Seems like a lifetime ago with everything that’s changed in my life since then. I noticed too that it’s been just one year since I made my first purse. Seems crazy to me. I love having those posts to look back on though. Soooo much has changed but what hasn’t changed is that I still love my mom very much. I still think she’s done an incredible job raising 5 kids. After all, I’m probably the biggest disappointment in the bunch and I think even I turned okay. She’s also the most giving grandma that I know. There is no doubt that she loves her grandbaby’s more than anything else in the world and I love that about her. I can also still say that I think my sisters are the greatest moms the neats could ever ask for. I hope all of them enjoyed their day yesterday as moms.

Kay, gotta run and pick up Koda but I promise to post more purses in the boutique later tonight so be sure to check back if you’re in the market for a fun new bag. :)